Cleaning Out the Pantry

After we got home from meeting with Abby yesterday, I took it upon myself to clean out my pantry. This is something I had hoped Abby would come over and help me do and she had said that she would. However, I was in the zone and motivated, so I did it myself. 

When I separated from my ex-husband and moved out of "our" house, I left with no food. I knew what bare cabinets look like. Being a single person for a while on a limited budget, I knew what bare cabinets looked like. I don't like bare cabinets. They apparently give me a feeling of insecurity. I don't think I ever gave any thought to that until yesterday. As I was removing food from my cabinet, I began to feel an insecurity. No matter how much food I would have in my pantry, fridge or freezer, my kids would always complain about how we never had anything to eat. We always had plenty of food; I made sure of that. I couldn't stand the thought of my kids going hungry. My pantry began to look so bare as I removed all the "junk" I could no longer have.

I got to the baking shelf... all the partially used bags of chocolate chips, brown sugar, powdered sugar, coconut. I thought about all the desserts I won't be making anymore. It made me think of my Mimi (my grandmother) who taught me how to cook and bake and how concerned she is about my health. I feel like I've let her down somehow.

The tears started to flow and I really wasn't exactly sure why. I had to get up and walk away from the project several times. Each time, Nickey was there, reassuring me, telling me how proud she was of me. Together, we finished the pantry project. Then I text four of my closest friends (Amy, Lynn, Lezli and Susan) and said that I was cleaning out my pantry, fridge and freezer and that I had lots of food that needs a good home. I also told them that I was having a very emotional and overwhelming day... if they had a few minutes, they could come over. I was reaching out for support; something that's hard for me to do. Because it's hard for me to admit when I need real help. Thank God, my friends understand... and they came. Well, except for Lezli who was out of town. She sent her support through text, though. 

Look at all this food that is now GONE from my pantry. Look at all the junk I'm not going to be putting into my body. Look at how much money I'm parting with... I think that was a big part of the emotion, too. Wasting money. That bothers me even more than wasting food. Luckily, Amy, Lynn and Susan felt my pain and took some of this home. It was so weird, I could have thrown it all away (well, no, I really couldn't have); I could have donated it ALL to the Helping Hands (they are in dire need of food right now). But the food is like family; I know I needed it to go to a good home--to someone who would love it as much as I did. Weird, I know.  The good thing is, even after my friends came and took quite a bit from that pile (plus two more in the kitchen), the Helping Hands will still be getting a nice donation from me!