After we got home from meeting with Abby yesterday, I took it upon myself to clean out my pantry. This is something I had hoped Abby would come over and help me do and she had said that she would. However, I was in the zone and motivated, so I did it myself.
When I separated from my ex-husband and moved out of "our" house, I left with no food. I knew what bare cabinets look like. Being a single person for a while on a limited budget, I knew what bare cabinets looked like. I don't like bare cabinets. They apparently give me a feeling of insecurity. I don't think I ever gave any thought to that until yesterday. As I was removing food from my cabinet, I began to feel an insecurity. No matter how much food I would have in my pantry, fridge or freezer, my kids would always complain about how we never had anything to eat. We always had plenty of food; I made sure of that. I couldn't stand the thought of my kids going hungry. My pantry began to look so bare as I removed all the "junk" I could no longer have.
I got to the baking shelf... all the partially used bags of chocolate chips, brown sugar, powdered sugar, coconut. I thought about all the desserts I won't be making anymore. It made me think of my Mimi (my grandmother) who taught me how to cook and bake and how concerned she is about my health. I feel like I've let her down somehow.
The tears started to flow and I really wasn't exactly sure why. I had to get up and walk away from the project several times. Each time, Nickey was there, reassuring me, telling me how proud she was of me. Together, we finished the pantry project. Then I text four of my closest friends (Amy, Lynn, Lezli and Susan) and said that I was cleaning out my pantry, fridge and freezer and that I had lots of food that needs a good home. I also told them that I was having a very emotional and overwhelming day... if they had a few minutes, they could come over. I was reaching out for support; something that's hard for me to do. Because it's hard for me to admit when I need real help. Thank God, my friends understand... and they came. Well, except for Lezli who was out of town. She sent her support through text, though.
Look at all this food that is now GONE from my pantry. Look at all the junk I'm not going to be putting into my body. Look at how much money I'm parting with... I think that was a big part of the emotion, too. Wasting money. That bothers me even more than wasting food. Luckily, Amy, Lynn and Susan felt my pain and took some of this home. It was so weird, I could have thrown it all away (well, no, I really couldn't have); I could have donated it ALL to the Helping Hands (they are in dire need of food right now). But the food is like family; I know I needed it to go to a good home--to someone who would love it as much as I did. Weird, I know. The good thing is, even after my friends came and took quite a bit from that pile (plus two more in the kitchen), the Helping Hands will still be getting a nice donation from me!
I met with Abby yesterday morning for my assessment. Nickey went with me. She, too, is on this journey with me. Without these two wonderful, supportive, and positive people, this journey won't happen.
We met at the track by Baptist Hospital. Measurements came first. Then we took "Before" pictures. I'll just be honest, here... they are not flattering. But, they are real. So am I. And so is this journey. That's what you're going to get--honest and real. Be prepared. It may be a bumpy ride.
In case you are wondering (and I'm sure you are), I am starting this program at a weight of 181. It's not the heaviest I've ever been. But, I weigh consistently, every morning. Naked. AFTER I've gone to potty (hoping for the lowest number possible, you know!).
Part of the assessment was the One Mile Walk. Doesn't sound too hard, right? Just walk around a track four times. Piece of cake. Oh, but walk as fast as you can. OK. First lap was fine, feeling good about myself. Second lap was not as much fun, but I was hanging in. My feet started to cramp up a little towards the end of the second lap so the third lap wasn't so much fun. By the final lap, I was ready for it to be over! The fun was gone. And, so, in 17.01 minutes, I walked a mile. Just call me Speedy Gonzalez!
After the walk, we did some more of the assessment--plank, wall sit, push ups. Those numbers were almost a joke for me. How embarrassing. Well, for some people, maybe. Not for me. Just glad I can say I could (sort of) do seven push-ups. Yes, that's right, I said seven.
Following the assessment, we had our introduction to the 5 Weeks to 5K program. Who knew I didn't know the correct posture for running? Well, it wasn't a surprise. I'm not sure that I have EVER run in my entire life; at least not on purpose. There's an episode of "Friends" where Phoebe goes running with Rachel. If you haven't seen it, you MUST, because I'm CERTAIN that's how I would look!
Before we left, Abby handed me a bag with some supplements (I'll be taking 10 tablets with breakfast, and nine with lunch and supper). They stink. And they are various shades of ugly brown. She also gave me lots of information to read through. I was beginning my cleanse. For some reason, I didn't see bacon anywhere on any of this. I did, however, see TONS of vegetables. Mostly the green ones. And the bitter ones that don't taste good. And several with names that you wouldn't find in a small town grocery. The fun begins.
Two hours after we first met, I was free to go home. I made it through the assessment.
By the time I got home from grocery shopping with Abby, I was very shaky. It was three in the afternoon and all I had had to eat or drink all day was a caramel vanilla latte. By the way, if I'd have known that would be the last one I'd have, I'd have ordered a large!
I know I had promised Abby I would have a healthy lunch, but at that point, I just needed something in my body. I had two leftover already cooked sausage patties in the fridge, so I grabbed those, warmed them up and ate those. Followed by two Cokes. I knew I didn't need to eat much since Nickey and I had already planned date night with a nice dinner out. Nickey is my life partner; you'll hear much more about her later and how she fits into this puzzle.
So, for my "Last Supper", we chose to go to Longhorn. While waiting on our table, we went to the bar and I had a Rum Runner. Alcohol is going to be a no-no, so I decided I may as well have one final rummy, fruity drink. After we were seated, Nickey had a hard time deciding what to order, so we went ahead and order an app of Breaded Parmesan Asparagus. While I waited on her to decide, I put lots of butter on that nice warm bread they bring. The asparagus was really good, although the kitchen staff was a bit heavy handed on the seasoning salt. The salad was so cold it hurt my teeth to eat it! But, I'd much rather have a very cold salad than a salad that's the least bit not cold. YUK. Then, there it was... my last "good" meal. I had ordered prime rib and a loaded baked potato. I love prime rib, but this one just wasn't doing it for me. Too much pepper and seasoning around the outside, it was too rare (and I like medium rare), and was very difficult to chew. It just wasn't a good cut of meat to begin with. I ended up sending it back and ordering a filet. It came back more rare than the prime rib, but it was tender and tasted delicious. I was satisfied.
Headed to TJ Maxx after dinner to look for a stability ball and yoga mat for my new adventures. I found just what I was looking for and Nickey got a couple of fitness things as well. We were on our way!
Leaving TJ Maxx, Nickey muttered something about if she wasn't so full still, we should go to Tutti Frutti. All I heard was Tutti Fruitti. So, of course, we went. I'm not a huge ice cream or yogurt fan at all. But I DID want something sweet. My choice--coffee yogurt with Snickers chips, marshmallow syrup and caramel. Oh was it good. And oh was I miserable by the time we got home!
Abby had wanted me to film my video testimonial before our next visit, which meant I had to do it before I went to bed. I was miserable from all the crap I had just eaten. We got home around 10, got the camera set up, I thought about what I was going to say and I attempted my video. I was awful. I couldn't focus on anything. I sounded like I was trying to pitch something. I tried too hard to be clever and witty and funny. I was miserable and just wanted to go to bed. I started and stopped the camera so many times, but not as often as I should have, probably. At that point, I just wanted to say something and call it a day. I wanted to do what Abby had asked of me. But I was so frustrated with myself, I'm sure I sounded like nothing less than a blithering idiot. I finally said to hell with it and went to bed. I had a big day in store for me and I needed to get my rest!
I'm typing this post at 4:30 on Sunday morning. I've been awake most of the night, tossing and turning. The headaches I'm having aren't allowing me to rest. I thought maybe if I just got up and blogged, I could finally get some sleep. Plus, I have so much to talk about, so much stuff racing through my head. Back to Friday so I can catch up.
Friday afternoon after we got back in town from yoga, Abby and I went to Kroger so she could teach me some healthy grocery options. Our first stop was the produce department where she told me a little about the Dirty Dozen and why some things must always be organic before they go in my basket. Before we left the produce department, I had bananas, leeks, yellow squash, zucchini, parsley, cilantro, Roma tomatoes, cherry tomatoes, a sweet potato, mushrooms, a box of mixed greens, cauliflower, celery, baby carrots, kale, green pepper, red pepper, cucumber, an eggplant, a spaghetti squash and asparagus.
From there we headed to the organic/healthy food area and stopped for some ground flax seed. I can't remember what I'm supposed to do with that. I also chose some Larabars after looking at the ingredient list of several snack bars. A few flavors have a very limited number of ingredients, which is what we are looking for. I got the Banana Bread, Apple Pie, Cherry Pie and Blueberry Muffin bars. I also got coconut oil here which if you ask me doesn't look like oil at all, it looks like Crisco shortening. Whatever. I'll try it.
To complete our shopping trip, butter was added to my basket. Yes! It was not my regular butter, but stuff in the gold foil wrapper from Ireland. Very expensive, but I won't be using as much as I have been either. Raw sunflower seeds and almonds were also chosen as well as some eggs.
My basket didn't look quite like it normally does when I shop. And at the register, I definitely saw a difference in how much I normally spend on groceries, especially when you consider the fact that I'll have to go back more often for more fresh produce. The things we do and the sacrifices we'll make in the name of health. Well, I'm going to anyway.
My PCP, Stephanie, was pretty insistent that I start taking Metformin. Now. I resisted. One thing I agreed to with Abby and this journey was no new meds. Stephanie and I needed to talk. The problem was, it was already almost noon on Friday, I was headed to Starkville and the clinic would be closed by the time I got back. The clinic is also going to be closed all next week for the 4th of July holiday. The earliest I can see Stephanie is the 8th; a lot can happen between now and then. Abby and I discussed my options. I decided that I am going to hold off on the medication for now. The way I see it, if I hadn't had my blood work done, I would have no idea what my glucose was anyway. I am going to work with Abby, then after a month, have my blood work repeated. If Stephanie still thinks at that time that I need the medicine... well, we'll just cross that bridge when we get there. Baby steps. One day at a time. So, my decision is to forego any new medications and choose the road less traveled--diet and exercise. Serious diet and exercise.
Abby said there would be changes and modifications along the way of our journey. The first one took place after THE call. We had decided that I would keep a food log for three or four days, noting everything that went in my mouth. She would look at the log, analyzing my strengths and weaknesses and we'd go from there. So, I honestly thought I had a few more days to eat the way I always have. I still had a few days to eat all the "bad" stuff I wanted to before the "change". Abby put her serious face on and told me I had to start immediately. I was done eating and drinking the bad stuff. I felt so gypped; I wasn't going to get my "Last Supper". I had not had a Coke and there were still six in my fridge. The thought of throwing out good food and drink kills me, especially since I hadn't had a chance to say goodbye to all my friends (Coke, butter, cream cheese, Coke, whipping cream, half and half, Coke, steak, potatoes, Coke, cream soups, crescent rolls, Coke, bacon, pork chops, Coke). We compromised. I would have a healthy lunch, then one final GOOD meal before starting my cleanse.
I truly enjoyed my first yoga experience. Lindsay was our instructor at the Mississippi Modern Homestead Center. I had met Lindsay the week before at the MMHC when she and another woman prepared a fabulous Mediterranean meal inspired by honey. It was absolutely fabulous, by the way! Lindsay just seems like a beautiful soul, so I was looking forward to seeing her again. There were five students in our class and luckily, I wasn't the only newbie. I was afraid of being so uncoordinated. I was afraid of looking stupid. I was afraid of my beans from the night before coming out to say hello to my new friends. Turns out, I am a bit uncoordinated, but I could learn. Some things I actually did kind of correctly. The only thing that may have looked stupid was when the dryer sheet poked its head out of the sleeve of my tshirt. The whole toilet paper on your shoe thing came to mind. And I never once farted! I think my first yoga experience was a success!
Leaving Starkville, I asked Abby if I could eat now, hoping she would take the hint and we could stop for lunch somewhere. It was around 1:30 I think at that time and all I had had to eat or drink was a caramel vanilla latte. Not a good choice for a diabetic. We talked about the healthy salad I would eat after I got home. But first, we were going grocery shopping!
I've seen it coming. I've not been in denial. Each year, the numbers have slowly gotten worse. Each year, I've been told to change my diet, to start exercising, to drink more water (SOME water would be more accurate, actually). And each year, I've reluctantly agreed that I knew I needed to do those things, but stubbornly refused. I really wasn't going to change anything until I had absolutely HAD to.
Well, now I have to.
Last Friday, I went to see my OB/GYN for my annual exam. As part of the Healthy You benefit of my insurance plan, I also had some lab work done on Monday. I got the results on Wednesday; my entire lipid panel was all jacked up and my fasting glucose was 157, or what my OB/GYN, Alison, referred to as "pretty elevated".
Alison suggested that I consult my primary care physician, so I did that very afternoon. Yes, I'm overweight. It's true that I don't eat completely healthily (yes, I realize that's a made up word; it's my blog, I can do that); but I don't sit around eating all fried and fatty foods either. I don't drink water, I don't like the way it tastes. Yes, it tastes. Yuk. And "exercise" is ... well, it's just not fun. I like fun. Bottom line, I have to start making some changes with my diet and exercise. OK. I have to start drinking water. OK. I get it.
I had more lab work done yesterday morning to confirm, but I was looking at a diagnosis of Type II Diabetes.
I posted on Facebook about the day's events. My friend, Abby Malmstrom, commented that I WOULD be seeing her before I started on any drugs. I had taken two boot camp classes of Abby's back in February and really liked her. I felt a good, comfortable fit with her (although I wasn't so crazy about the whole boot camp thing). However, changes were needed and I felt like Abby would be a great person to make those changes with, so I consulted her.
Abby told me of a pilot program that she had been on the verge of launching. She told me that I was the exact candidate. She also told me some of the requirements, conditions and details of the program. I was nearly in tears. This is EXACTLY what I was going to need in order to make the changes I needed to make. I very excitedly told her that I was definitely interested.
Abby and I met this morning to start planning our six month journey. She gave me some paperwork to complete (and even read each and every item on the "contract"... OUT LOUD to me. This is a HUGE commitment, for both of us, and we have pledged our commitment and dedication to one another, so I was happy to initial every item. We scheduled our first month and discussed nutrition. I was going to begin a food log for 3-4 days so that Abby could see my strengths and weaknesses when it came to food. After our initial meeting, we decided to go to a yoga class over at the Mississippi Modern Homestead Center in Starkville. I actually had already put in on my calendar because I really wanted to try it out. Abby was going already anyway, so I rode with her.
On the way over, I got THE call. The one with my lab results from yesterday. The one where my PCP told me I needed to start Metformin. The one where she told me I was diabetic. My fasting glucose was 192 (normal is 65-99); my A1C was 8.1 (normal is 5.3 or below).
It just got real!
After we got home from meeting with Abby yesterday, I took it upon myself to clean out my pantry. This is something I had hoped Abby would come over and help me do and she had said that she would. However, I was in the zone and motivated, so I did it myself. 
When I separated from my ex-husband and moved out of "our" house, I left with no food. I knew what bare cabinets look like. Being a single person for a while on a limited budget, I knew what bare cabinets looked like. I don't like bare cabinets. They apparently give me a feeling of insecurity. I don't think I ever gave any thought to that until yesterday. As I was removing food from my cabinet, I began to feel an insecurity. No matter how much food I would have in my pantry, fridge or freezer, my kids would always complain about how we never had anything to eat. We always had plenty of food; I made sure of that. I couldn't stand the thought of my kids going hungry. My pantry began to look so bare as I removed all the "junk" I could no longer have.
