5 Weeks to 5K

Before I started working with Abby, I had never run before. There was no reason to. There was no blood, no bone, no fire. My ex-husband used to say he'd never seen me "run with all my might." I had never run without all my might either. Running was for runners. I was not one of them. Have you ever seen the "Friends" episode of Phoebe running through the park? If you don't know what I'm talking about, go here now and watch: 

I'm pretty sure I would have been a Phoebe runner, had I been a runner at all.

But, lucky for me (?), my trainer is a marathon runner. And I fully believe that she fully believes everyone else on the planet should be, too. Even me. 

So, what is another thing I "get" to do with Abby? I get to participate in her 5 Weeks to 5K program. Thank God she realized early that I'm a Level 1 runner! A newbie. Since she had just started a new clinic the week before our journey began, she gave Nickey and me the Reader's Digest version of Training Session #1 on that first day we worked out together. In that first lesson, we learned the "correct posture stance." Seriously? You just run, right. Like walking, only faster.

Oh no. There was WAY more to it than that. Feet parallel. Weight evenly distributed. Knees soft. Hip Bucket flat. Tight pant muscle. Lean. I began hearing those things over and over and in my sleep. Who knew there was so much to running? And this was just the first lesson. Over the next two weeks, I learned about flat footprints, floppy ankles, washing machine hips, and so much more. So much that I couldn't remember it all! During our clinic, we'd take short runs and Abby would check our posture, our stance, our lean, our cadence and let us know what needed improvement. I don't think it all ever clicked together for me like it was supposed to though.

We had homework to do between our classes. The first assignment was to run for 1 minute then walk for 4 minutes for a total of 30 minutes of exercise. I did that one. And I did the next one (run for 1 minute, then walk for 3 minutes for a total of 32 minutes). And I think I did the third one (run 2, walk 4 for 30). Then I did the first one again because, in my mind, too much time had elapsed. So, I started over. This time, though, I felt like it went a little easier than it had the first time. But, time lapsed again. And I started over again. Yes, I did homework assignment 1 three times. Somehow, I let that slip to Abby one day and she said that I was NEVER allowed to do homework assignment 1 ever again. In my mind, that translated to "never do running homework ever again." So, I didn't. 

21 Days to Bliss

When I first started hearing about "21 Days to Bliss", I knew it was going to be something I wanted to participate in! Even if Abby wouldn't have been one of ramrods and made me do it, I knew I wanted to be a part of it!

Gain Energy. Lose Weight. Balance Your Life. Those sound great, right? And Bliss... what woman doesn't strive for bliss in her life?

Abby, Lindsay Wilson and Jill Williams put together a fabulous course for women... 7 Classes. A Lifetime of Wellness.

In June of this year, I blogged (on my personal blog, not here) about the Health and Wellness Workshop I had recently attended at the Mississippi Modern Homesteading Center. Abby was one of the keynote speakers at that event and spoke about goals. I pondered and gave a lot of thought to my own goals and decided how quickly I wanted to achieve them. Top of my list was to, within the next year, have a total and complete feeling of wellness. As a matter of fact, from my personal blog from June 3rd, I wrote,

 "I want to have a feeling of wellness and wholeness by this time next year.  I am not sure yet just exactly what that looks like for me, but that is one reason I am talking about setting goals for myself and starting to take the necessary steps to achieve those goals.  I need to be healthier, I would like to be a little lighter, I should be in better shape financially.  I want peace, serenity, tranquility.  I want to not feel as much stress as I do now.  I want to enjoy my life.  I want to feel accomplished at something."

Wow. I had forgotten how close that was to when Abby and I started our journey... less than a month actually. How profound, huh? I knew what I wanted, I just wasn't sure how to get it.

That's exactly what 21 Days to Bliss was for... providing women with opportunities, resources and information to find their own bliss.

The instructors for this powerful event were:

Abby Malmstrom, M.S. Exercise Physiologist, Personal Trainer, Nutritionist. Of course, you know about Abby. Abby is my trainer, my boss, "the devil who made me do it", a marathon runner and now, my friend. 

Lindsay Wilson, Yoga Teacher, Wellness Coach, Herbalist. I first met Lindsay when Nickey and I attended our first Seasonal Soiree at the Homesteading Center. She and Marion prepare the most delicious meals! Lindsay also teaches the yoga classes at the Homesteading Center I try to go to on Fridays. Lindsay has lots of interesting life experiences and is just a plethora of knowledge; wise beyond her years, this one is!

Jill Williams, Yoga Instructor, Owner of Bliss Yoga. Jill and I both attended the Methodist Church, but the first time I remember actually talking to her one on one was at my friend Lynn's house at her Pampered Chef party.

I missed the first two classes because I was out of town, so I felt a little late to the party when I joined class three. Luckily, Abby had videotaped the classes, so at least I was able to get a feel for what I had missed, but it sure wasn't the same as being there. 

These ladies started a nutrition plan and, being the black and white person that I am, did not do the elimination diet. I felt like since I had already missed a week, I wasn't going to start late. Remember me, Ms. All or None? Yeah, I was NONE on the nutrition/diet part of Bliss. Even though I didn't do the diet myself, I learned so much about particular foods, why they are (or are not) good for you; I heard about food cravings, rebooting and cleansing the liver, balancing out hormones, having more energy and many other things that our bodies go through with any type of "cleanse" such as this. I did a cleanse at the beginning of this journey, remember? I eliminated things from my diet and I saw the benefits; I felt the changes, so I knew it would work.

The group's theme of our 21 days was "Positive Transformation"; each of us had our own individual theme as well and we had partners who helped keep us accountable. Each week, we had a circle share. We were given our own turn to speak, about anything and not be interrupted. That's such a cool concept, isn't it? How many of us wives, mothers, grandmothers don't get our "turn" to talk, to share about what's going on in our lives, to be heard, to be listened to. It's pretty amazing. I have to admit, though, that one night in particular, all I could talk about was the negativity I felt. Not with the diet, the exercise or anything at all to do with Bliss... just every day life.

We were encouraged to journal about our experience. To get us started, we were given 21 "starters". Because I don't like to journal with a pen a paper, I plan to use those here in my blog in the coming weeks because I think they are wonderful! And I think all of us should think about these ideas. So, as I blog/journal, I encourage you to try and answer those questions for yourself. Be looking for one or two coming up this week.

There was SO much information; it was almost overwhelming. But, to have the gift of this information in one little tidy package... truly priceless. I learned way more than I ever thought I wanted or needed to know about yoga, meditation, exercise, nutrition, herbs, stress, hormones, fake sugars, clean foods, pastured eggs, and so much more!

I got SO much of this experience... and yet, I want to go through it all again. I know there's something I missed. I know there's more for me to soak up. Ladies, when this opportunity presents itself again, I encourage you to to talk to Abby, Jill or Lindsay and get yourself signed up! You won't regret it!

Still Stumbling

Yes, this post is over two weeks old, but it's been in my head; there are things I wanted to talk about, so I'm playing catch up. It takes a while to catch up since I was "off the wagon" for a while longer!

So, today, my plan is to catch us all up and bring everyone up to speed on my journey. Like my exercise plan, it's time to just jump in and do it; quit planning, thinking about it, dreading it... just do it. Now that sounds like a hell of a slogan to me; someone should use that!

Lisa, Ethan and me

Last time we visited, I was uncovering my stumbling blocks as I traveled to Nashville. I had my whole "black and white" epiphany. After I had worked out that morning with Abby then sat in my car and drove five hours to Nashville, I was a little sore when I made it to Lisa's house. But, I tried to ignore it because I got to put my hands on her beautiful newborn grandson. All my aches and pains were gone as I smelled, touched and caressed new life. 

Saturday morning, I was "all stove up"... had to move very slowly and very carefully just to make it to the potty. Then, to sit. Oh heavens, my quads were screaming! "Four weeks without exercise? Don't do that to us again!" After I pottied, I realized I had to get up. Don't think my quads took it easy on me! Lisa lives in a split-level house. I had to go down 5 or 6 steps to get to the kitchen, then down another 5 or 6 steps to get to the family room... where the BABY was! I felt like an old, crippled, hungover woman trying to get to Ethan!

The reasons for my visit

Ethan was really the reason I was in town, although a huge bonus was, of course, to see my own daughter! Hanna and I were helping host a baby shower for Lisa's daughter, Ashley and her new son, Ethan. Ashley and Hanna grew up thinking they were twins... they were just born six days apart, in different states, to different parents.

Delicious spread of non-healthy food

We all got showered and spiffed up and headed over to where the shower was going to take place. My main responsibility was, as you might have guessed, bossing everyone... oh no, wait, that was already done. Food was my responsibility that day! Party Pizzas, Rosemary Cashews, Sausage Stars, Pigs in a Blanket, Rotel Squares... oh my! If it had cream cheese, crescent rolls or a pork product in it, my name was all over it! Yes, there were some healthy options too. There were fruits, there were vegetables. 

THE Cake

And... there was cake! Lori made the cake. Lori's cake was DELICIOUS! And it had everything in it I was NOT supposed to have at that time... sugar, gluten, eggs... and it was FABULOUS! I asked Lori her secrets and you would not believe how simple (but I won't share her secrets, so don't even ask!). However, I ate more cake that day (and that night and the next day, thanks to extra that we brought home with us). I was so sick; my blood sugar was completely out of whack, my head hurt, but I didn't care. I enjoyed every bite of that cake!

Loving on Ethan... ALL NIGHT LONG!

Saturday night, I got Ethan duty. We settled in the recliner after his bottle and diaper change and we snuggled. He was on my chest all night and I was in heaven! I wouldn't have traded that time for anything. But... I had forgotten about how physically exhausting a newborn can be! And, my aching back reminded me! So now, my body was sore from working out and my back was giving me fits for sleeping all wonky in the recliner. Great. The next few days were going to be fun!
  

Uncovering My Stumbling Blocks

In our workout that Friday morning, Abby and I discussed stumbling blocks. What had kept me from exercise all that time? Why didn't I do anything? I didn't have any ready answers for her. There are no excuses... but there are stumbling blocks.

I started to run all kinds of ideas and reasons through my mind... but ultimately, they were excuses... weren't they? Let's break it down here.

Time. I don't like to get up early. Working out early is better for me, though, because I find that if I put if off till later, I put it off. Period. When I start my day off with a run or exercise, I feel better. I'm usually really sleepy during the day, but not tired. I kind of feel refreshed. Then at night, I can't wait to get in bed! But, again, I don't like to get up early. Ask my boss about that. Oh no, never mind... don't do that!

Paper. Abby has the most awesome thing I have ever seen for fitness. If you want to work out at home, if you want to work out a gym, if you want to work out in Indonesia, all you need is the Trainer in Your Back Pocket. There is so much great, helpful information on there that I get overwhelmed. I print out the monthly workout (which is so detailed, there's no question of what to do), but there's so much STUFF on it that I get frustrated when I'm actually looking at the paper; I get all glassy-eyed and go into a cloudy fog. Then when I'm actually trying to do the workout on those sheets of paper I've printed, I feel like I can't exercise because I'm too busy reading. Then I have to mark off what I've done and I get all dizzy.

Lack of confidence. My best friend Lisa suggested this as one of my stumbling blocks. Lisa has known me for a LONG time. She knew me in my skinny days, she knows me now. Lisa has always been a very enthusiastic, athletically inclined person. What comes natural to her does NOT come natural to me. She took me to a Zumba class once. Then she understood my lack of confidence. I have a lack of coordination as well!!

Verbal prompting. Perhaps because of my lack of confidence mentioned above, I believe I desire verbal prompting. I like when Abby is there telling me what to do, encouraging me, letting me know what to do next, how to better my form. Of course, Nickey doesn't believe that "verbal prompting" is my stumbling block... she just thinks I'm...

Lazy. Yes, Nickey thinks I'm lazy. I try to tell her I'm not lazy, I have stumbling blocks.

On the drive to Nashville later that day to see Hanna, I was on the phone with Nickey when I had my epiphany. I finally put into words what I feel like my true stumbling block is. And, of course, it is a huge part of my personality.

Black or white. All or none. No middle ground. No half-assing. If I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it RIGHT or I'm simply not going to do it at all.

I worked for a pastor one time who told me I was "too black and white". At the time, I took it as an insult. Shortly after that, I attended a week-long church secretary conference in Atlanta and my ENTIRE wardrobe that week was black and/or white. Seriously.

Looking back on my journey, I realize how true this is for me. I participated in Abby's 5 Weeks to 5K program. However, because I didn't do well following through on a regular basis with my homework, I started over. Twice. I wanted to do the whole entire thing correctly. Or I didn't want to do it at all. Abby finally told me I could NOT do Homework Lesson #1 ever again. Secretly, I will though.

21 Days to Bliss--I was out of town during the first two meetings. Because I missed the first two, I don't feel like I got as "in" to it as I should have. What an AWESOME  event this has been. But I want to start completely over... and fully immerse myself. Friends, I'm telling you, if Abby, Lindsay and Jill offer this again, jump on it! Each and every woman I know could benefit from this.

The nutrition cleanse was not easy; at times, it was very difficult. But I feel the need to start all over and do it again, from the beginning, because I've not done too well lately.

I've heard over and over "just jump back in where you left off". It's not that simple for me. If I miss or skip something, I feel like I have failed. I don't do failure.

I do black and white. All or none. No half-assing.

Now that I've discovered what I believe to be my big stumbling block, what do I do about it?

Didn't See That Coming!

Friday, August 30th... I got a bit of a surprise.

Nickey and I met Abby at the Riverwalk for an early morning workout. We met at 6:15 (which neither Abby or I were thrilled about because neither of us like getting up that early). But... it had to be done. 

I was long overdue. I had missed exercise. I know, that sounds strange, especially for me. But I wasn't feeling good like I had before and I knew why... plain ole diet and exercise. Those words that used to not be my friends, somehow, had snuck up on me and made me feel better... and even *gasp* like them... but only because of how they made me feel afterward (not during!).

We met early because I had plans for the Labor Day weekend. I was headed to Nashville to see my daughter. She works in a little upscale deli downtown and I wanted to be there in time for lunch.

I SO dreaded seeing Abby. I knew she was going to have it in for me. She was going to make me pay for all I had missed. I was meeting the devil at the Riverwalk. Worse than being put physically through Hell, though, I had to see the disappointment in Abby's face... and that was mental Hell for me.

But it wasn't Abby's fault I was going through Hell. It was my own.

I never know what to expect with any of Abby's workouts. That's one thing I love about Abby... she keeps everyone on their toes. There's no point of trying to guess what's coming next. Just take it and go with it.

So, we started our workout. I was angry for letting all that time go by with no exercise. I started beating myself up. I was angry that when I was told to do Sit & Stands, that I really had to think about what they were (if I had been doing my workouts like I was supposed to, that would have been a no-brainer!). I was angry that I had lost 1/6th of my journey with Abby (there's no getting that back... I wasted it). I was angry that I had to concentrate so hard on the Step Ups (alternating each leg should've come naturally if I had been doing them all along). I was angry that I never got past the first week's homework of the 5 Weeks to 5K program. I was angry that I had returned to being lazy. I was SO angry at myself.

When we sat down on the mats for Rolldowns & V-Sits (among other things), Abby was continuing to talk about stuff, but I don't remember a thing she said. I was beating myself up. And when I looked at Abby, I saw disappointment, which made me even more pissed off... at myself.

That's when it happened. That's when I got a surprise. Tears started falling down my face. I had heard of people crying during workouts before, but those were probably people who just cry in general. I don't. And I certainly never thought that that kind of emotion would come from me during a workout. I was shocked. I couldn't speak. Nickey and Abby were both probably shocked at that! 

The rest of the workout, I tuned out everything except the instructions Abby gave me... what to do next. I was focused on finishing that workout. I was focused on giving the best I had to give, even though I was completely exhausted already. I wasn't going to fail this workout. I was going to finish it with all I had.

And I did.

Then I went home and crashed. I missed lunch in Nashville. But I felt good about why.

Abby

Has anyone read Abby's blog from August 27, 2013 titled "31 Days and Counting"? If not, here's a link: http://transformwithpaige.blogspot.com/2013/08/31-days-and-counting.html

That was a tough post for me to read. 

"I sure hope that she got in those workouts, videos, and runs that I stressed the importance of... But I have a feeling that didn't happen." Her feeling was right... it didn't happen. My exercise fell to the wayside. 

"She's supposed to write a blog post 5x per week.  These blog posts don't have to be lengthy, in depth, or time consuming at all." I guess because I wasn't exercising, I didn't feel like I had much to write about. My blogging fell to the wayside. 

"It worries me.  Did I do something wrong and not hold her accountable enough?" I'm sorry I worried her. I'm sorry I made her feel like this was her fault, that she had done something wrong. That couldn't be farther from the truth. I fell to the wayside.

Yes, Abby was gone for a couple of weeks. I was gone for about a week and a half. But, like she said, she had prepared me for that time. I had all the information and instruction I needed. I just didn't do it. One thing I've learned from Abby is that there are no excuses, so you won't hear that from me. I just didn't make this a priority. Period. She said she sees it all the time in the fitness world... folks are gung ho when they start but when it gets tough, they simply quit. That's not the case with me. 

Slowly, I'm unfolding just exactly what IS the case with me (which you'll be reading more about soon, I promise!).

The one thing that bothered me most about Abby's post was knowing that I had let her down. Letting myself down is one thing, but I let Abby down. She's not mad, she's not angry... she's disappointed. And that's WAY tougher for me to deal with. People can be mad at me all day long, but to know I've disappointed someone really hurts my core.

The last thing Abby said in her post was that she needed me back. The truth, however, is that I need her WAY more than she needs me. She's given so much of herself to me, I need her to know that I appreciate this opportunity and that's it not being wasted. I may not have exercised or blogged during that time, but I'm learning from it all the same.

Bear with me, friends, and help me re-focus!

Vacations, Trips and Being Out of Town... Oh My!

Relax friends... I have NOT fallen off the face of the earth... just the wagon.

August was a month that saw both Abby and me out of town a lot. Abby was gone the first part of the month for several days to Sacramento and Lake Tahoe (I want to go on her wellness weekend next year... it sounded awesome and the pictures were beautiful!).

She was back in town for a couple of days before I left for 10 days; vacation to Savannah for a few days before a work conference in Charleston.

I had great intentions when I left. I had packed my workout clothes and tennis shoes and my handy dandy wellness/fitness binder. I've been compiling all my "Abby Info" in this binder; once our journey is over, it's going to be a great reference guide for me to use to continue the journey on my own.

Pretty much during the month of August, I played hooky. I didn't fall off the wagon completely, but I let myself down. I let Abby down. At this point, August is all kind of a big blur to me, so even if I wanted to blab to y'all about my excuses, I couldn't remember them. 

Of course, there are no excuses. I simply didn't make exercise a priority. I enjoyed my vacation and time away. I ate things I shouldn't. I drank things I shouldn't. And I didn't exercise when I should've. 

All was not a total bust, however. When Nickey and I were in Savannah and Charleston, we did a LOT of walking! In fact, we walked pretty much everywhere we went and we didn't always do it at a leisurely pace. It rained every day we were in Savannah, so we scooted a little faster than we typically would anyway. The first night we were there, it poured. I had on my Rainbow flip flops. I quickly realized that the way my toes were gripping my flip flops to keep them from falling off my feet and washing down the street used different muscles than normal. The next morning, my legs were sore! 

My food choices weren't always totally bad... but they weren't always great either. I tried to make good choices sometimes. I failed miserably when it came to Savannah Candy Kitchen and River Street sweets passing out free samples of their pralines, though. Those are just the devil themselves. The last one I had was so fresh and still very warm... and I couldn't finish it. I could feel myself becoming physically ill.

I hadn't checked my blood sugar too regularly and had skipped a couple of days when I got a reading of 147. No wonder I felt bad. I was feeling the effects of the lack of exercise and good, clean, healthy food. I had fallen back into my old habits and it wasn't hard to do! It's scary how easy it was to order that first Coke with the pizza. I know, I shouldn't have had the pizza in the first place, but my gosh, it was Vinnie Van GoGo's and that's what they do. And they do it well. And I'm sorry, but I just can't drink water or unsweet tea with pizza. In my opinion, that's just so wrong. Besides, it tastes weird.

I started monitoring my blood sugar a little more closely and it didn't get that high again, but I could tell when my choice of food and/or drink directly influence my blood sugar level which directly affected the way I felt--physically AND mentally.

In a really strange way, I began to look forward to being home. I wanted to feel better. And, I began to realize fully that for me, feeling better means eating healthy and exercising. How weird!